Football Funnies

True Stories From The Past

From Mel Freibaum

I have a couple of stories involving the Coach that you can use if you think they are appropriate to reprint.
During the spring when the team went outside to practice, the Coach had us going through a "scrimmage." While it was supposed to be no tackling, it became very completive. While blocking at my center position, my hand somehow got stepped on by someone wearing baseball spikes resulting in a very deep gash in my thumb. I think his name was Carmine Ruggiero (spelling?). After football, he use to go to baseball practice. I showed the gash to the Coach expecting to receive immediate first aid. Instead, the coach took one look at it and said center with one hand and then I will take you over to the emergency room. I ended up finishing practice, going to the emergency room and received some stitches for the cut.

Another incident I remember involved an end, Roland Hobbes (spelling ?). During a passing drill, he went out for a pass. Unfortunately, he was just jogging down field when he realized that the pass was thrown ahead of him and he had to put on the after burners to catch it. At the last second, he dove in order to make the catch. While he did make a catch that would have made the high light film, he land on his groin and was on the ground in pain. The Coach seeing the whole incident, walked over to him, took the ball from him and place it under his head saying "next time you will hustle all the way."

Mel

From Sammy (The Legend) Mark

In 1950, there was a coaches strike, and there were no football games played. Billy Gorodnick, Teddy Gaswirth and myself were lost without football, we joined the Saint Finbar's Church football team in the Bay Ridge League. It was a terrific league, very tough. On the team with us was Harvey Seligman of Lincoln H. S. with Cheesie Delorenzo, Joel Rabin and Mike Uhlberg. Prior to every game the priests of St. Finbar would come around for a blessing. We all took a knee and the priest would touch everyone on the head with a blessing to keep from injury. He touched all except me, Billy, Teddy, Harvey, Joel and Mike. We being the only Jewish players on the team. We still won the league and somehow we lucked out, because none of us were injured.

Some more short stories. Take a Lap!!! Remember this? Did the coach ever figure out why we all took laps around the field, it took much longer as we went around the baseball homeplate back stop area. Maybe because there were bottles of water standing there and everyone stopped off for a rest and a little swig of water. Do you remember during our games the bucket of water for the players. You could drink as much as you want, as long as you could swallow oatmeal mixed with water. How about Andy Cintura not changing his underwear when we practiced, for a whole season. What an odor!!! He used to stand it up after every practice, stiff as a board. Here is a beauty, we are playing Petty in N.J. and I got kicked in area of great pain, Blackie Fasano asked me what happed to me, I told him who did this and the next minute someone on Petty got bitten on his body. We were a team that kept together. I remember going to parties on Saturday night and Barry Rosen started a brawl and he always disappeared. One time he started this altercation and we all disappeared leaving Barry. This was the last time he started any fights. Monday morning he came to school with bandages on. G-D Bless Barry rest in peace. That's about all for now.    

Some people just don't know
when to grow-up.

From Vico Confino

     At the Lafayette dust bowl on the Friday before the big game, the first team was scrimmaging the second team. The first team had the ball and was having a hard time moving it. Standing in for the first team quarterback, Joe Darienzo (so he wouldn't be injured) was the pride of us scrubs, Mike Uhlberg. As the defense continually held their ground and sacked Mike on numerous plays, he kept getting to his feet with blood running from his nose and continued to play. The "Coach" was having fits with the way the second team was manhandling the varsity and finally in frustration shouted out to the first stringers. "What the hell is going to happen to "Darienzo" on Saturday!

     All those who hung around Teddy Gaswirth knew he would only put out as much as he could get away with during practice. The "Coach" had his number and relentlessly ridiculed him by pointing out his shirking time and time again. After practice in the locker room the "Coach" called Teddy a phony and said that everyone was laughing at him. Gaswirth quickly responded to the Coach's diatribe by stating out loud for all to hear that "they laughed at Edison and Marconi Coach."

     At practice one day the Coach made an announcement that he had tickets for a Giant football game and he would give them to the player who was fastest in the wind sprints. Lo and behold the guy who won and was never first in the sprints before, was non other than Teddy Gaswirth. He didn't get the tickets.

     Just before practice, Teddy went up to the Coach and told him he wouldn't be able to practice because he couldn't lift his arm any higher than his waist. Coach asked Teddy how high he could lift his arm before he got hurt. With that, Teddy showed the Coach, by lifting his arm above his head. Nuff sed.

    The Varsity was scrimmaging the second team before game day.
Mike Uhlberg was standing in for the first team quarterback and was not having a good day in connecting with his passes. On the sideline the Coach was becoming more irritated and finally shouted..... "Uhlberg! What makes a great passer? Without hesitation Uhlberg responded, "a great end Coach!.
Take a lap, Uhlberg!
     Post Note: Aforementioned Mike U. went on to play for Brandeis University and set some kind of school record by having his nose broken 5 times. "A man that won't be hurt, can't be hurt" ...... Sound familiar? 

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